Naked teens, porn movies and hardcore XXX - Nossie

Either you like Asian ladies or you don’t. I happen to like their little stature, innocent and obeying look and little fuck noises. I also like the weird sexual stuff they are made to do. Just look at these two pen pals. Make you want to buy a ticket and fly to Tokyo really.

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You have until tomorrow 12pm (CET) to enter you crazy shit for our Sylvia Saint competition, so hurry up. Following on from the first entry update a second entry update. We have a little song about girls with camel toes sent in by Kevin. Also making an appearance are a host of football stars showing you why they earn all that money. Finally, but definitely not least a hilarious little clip about a diving wan..uuh winker called Cristiano Ronaldo. Send your entries here.

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Who doesn’t want their physical body to be enhanced by bionic implants after watching the classic Six Million Dollar Man show? Needless to say, he did not carry a $1 million phone, but he sure as heck has superb athletic ability. You too, can have a piece of action with a $30,000 bionic knee dubbed the Rheo-Knee. The Rheo-Knee has tiny sensors within that analyze the knee 1,000 times each second in order to compensate the step or misstep. It takes just 60 steps for the knee to learn how to move, walk, and adjust itself accordingly. It has been released earlier this year and is powered by rechargeable batteries.

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The modern woman can’t leave home without her essential items. Mobile phone, iPod, purse, make-up, sunglasses, the list goes on. But sometimes, no matter how much you’ve got to take out with you, there’s always one thing you should remember before you go out the house. Unless of course, you plan on walking in front of me, when you go out. Then i wouldn’t mind one bit.

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I used to enjoy wrestling as a kid. It was usually in someones living room, with all the cushions pulled off the sofa and used as mats. The only thing that used to get damaged, apart from pride, was the furniture around the room. As soon as someones foot even touched something on the mantle piece, whoever’s house it was would start running around panicking about everything getting broke. Nobody was ever injured in our wrestling matches. Not like these girls. Just listen and wait for the snap.

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It seems there is more to George W than at first meets the eye. Most people over here in the UK think that he is just some mad redneck, hell bent on power. Well it seems he has a devious side too, as seen the other day. And now he turns out to be a bit of an old letch. He’s now trying to upset Germany by feeling up their chancellor, Angela Merkel. You can see the look on her face when he put’s his hands on her. “What the fuck? Get off me hill-billy boy”

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Win an exclusive Totally Crap T-shirt signed by Private pornstar Sylvia Saint

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Now this comes straight from none other than the Kosher horse’s mouth - yes - you heard that straight. Our friends over in Israel sent us a clip today and we’d thought that we’d share it with you. They claim it’s the reason why Israel did not make it to the World Cup 2006. We’re investigating. Anyway then, as a bonus, we’ve tossed in something else from Israel - Magniv: it means cool dude and this animation tells you all about it. 

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So Zidane is keeping his mouth shut over what that foul. But that’s not stopping the general population of Italy showing the world how to celebrate. It was party’s in the street, dancing on rooftops and all round fun and games till the sun came up. I got cought up in a street parade like this in Turkey, a few years ago. The local team had just won their league and all hell broke loose on the streets. Cars flying up and down the street, waving flags, beeping the horns. Not much fun when you’re trying to work in the middle of it all. That was nothing compared to the streets of Italy though, it looks like fucking carnage. Still, looks like some people enjoyed themselves. 

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After all the fuss that has been going on since the world cup, the only question that remains unanswered, is what was said to Zidane to make him headbut Materazzi. This evening he held a small press conference and asked for forgiveness for his behavior, from all the children who watched it. But he still refused to say exactly what was said to him. Except that it was very personal and was something to do with his mother and sister. So The BBC has employed the services of a lip reader to try and figure out what was actually said. Apparently, it was something along the lines of “An ugly death to you and your family” To which Zidane replied with, the classic “Go fuck yourself” then dropped him. Materazzi denies making any such statement about his mother, but won’t reveal what was said either. Now FIFA president, Sepp Blatter, has hinted that he might be striped of his best player award. But i am sure that there will be more to come out over this story. It’s taken over more news headlines than Italy actually winning the bloody cup.

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Terrorizing your mates when they have passed out drunk and then sticking it on the internet, is nothing new. It’s still funny, but just drawing on your mate is getting a bit old. What you need to do is make a video of your drunk friend that not only makes him look a twat in front of the world, but will also help prove one of the oldest urban legend’s. If you put your sleeping friends hand in a bowl of warm water, will they piss the bed? Now this is not proof that it works. It may work on some people, but not everyone. Does it work on this bloke? Would we show it if it didn’t?

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I am quite glad to say that i have never been caught wanking. And i have done my fair share of it over the years, let me tell you. But with porn instantly available on your computer at a moments whim, it’s only a matter of time before some unfortunate crapper’s luck will run out. If the lady of the house does catch you one day, just admit to it. I know it will probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but be strong. Take it like a man. Unless it’s your mom that catches you, then you are just shit out of luck. No man can discuss wanking with his mom, it’s just not natural. This chap gets busted by his bird, so he should have taken my advice, but he didn’t and ends up with something a bit worse than egg on his face. That’ll teach him.

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It’s day three of our Imagination69 pictures and to start today off we have a few friends of ours from TC and our sister site VKmag. Willy then managed to persuade a couple of the more glamorous of the exhibitors, to do a bit of modeling for us. Next up we have two galleries of some young ladies shanking their asses for all and sundry. Now it wasn’t all nubile young girls at this event, no the male population of Belgium was there to show it’s support for those desperate young girls, who slave away in the porn world, entertaining us with there fake moans and groans. So especially for the lady crappers out there, have a peek at Belgium’s hottest young studs. And finally today we have the second part of yesterdays pile of miscellaneous honeys. Still more to come. Willy was a busy boy, wasn’t he?

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The Cold War is long over, but judging by this video the Americans are going to attack the Russians anyway. After watching the second video we are none the wiser. This is the game that goes with these videos. Good luck, if you have nothing else to do today.

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If you keep up with the news, you would have probably heard of a chap called Ken Lay. He was the boss of Enron, one of America’s biggest company’s. Until he got arrested and charged with fraud after after telling all the share holders that everything was peachy, whilst the company was crumbling around his ears. He was due to be sentenced the other day and all of a sudden, shock horror, he pops his clogs. Normally, this wouldn’t make for much of a conspiracy, but throw in the fact that he is good buddies with ol’ George W and that opens a whole new can of worms. I believe he was smuggled in to some secret government bunker, given surgery to change his face and put out to retire on some off shore hide away. I don’t believe for a minute that he died, it’s all a bit to convenient. So it was with no surprise, that dedicated conspiracy nerds have already started blogging away with theories. The chaps over at Americans for Equal Justice, have started a message board for sightings of Kenny Boy and have even made up a few pictures of what he may look like now. So if you see him, out on your travels, or if you ever see our very own conspiracy nut, Onizuka who also disappeared under mysterious circumstances, please let us know.

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Bling Bling has creeped into our lives like a sniper into a tree. First it was the domain of the blacks, but now the whites have taken it and ran with it. Bling Bling on your car, in your house, on your body. Hell, even your chick needs to get blinged to fit in with the hip crowd. Not to be outdone the Asian’s have come up with the ultimate in Bling Bling. It is big, It is shiny, It moves and it can feature as a tasty snack when you get the munchies. It is the Cockroach Broach.

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A few years ago, the Beastie Boys wrote a song called Boomin’ Granny, all about a young lads obsession with old ladies. Well i can’t say that i have ever had a thing for grannys, the wrinkles, the sagging tits, it’s just not a sexy idea to me. Well if they had anyone in mind for that song when they wrote it, it was possibly this old girl. Not only does she know how to dance to a bit of hip-hop, she’s also got the gangsta poses down to a tee. It’s a shame they didn’t use that track for this video. It would have been so much better. Boomin granny, i could be your pet. Listen old lady, gonna’ make you sweat!

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A quick little game for you now, before the football starts. How about a spot of trampolining in the nude? This is quite a fun little game for a while. Hopefully after a bit, you may get to see a little lady flesh bouncing around, but i haven’t got that much patience. If you have, then by all means let us know how far you get in the comments. 

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When i go on holiday, i usualy try and steer away from the beach. Sure, there’s plenty of young ladies wearing not much, but the problem is the sand. I can’t fucking stand the stuff. It gets everywhere, it’s in your shoes, in your hair, it’s up your arse and it’s just fucking awfull stuff. Thank fuck then i never joined the army and went to Iraq. The chaps in this video spot a sandstorm coming (like you could miss it) and decide to see how long they can record it for. It doesn’t seem to be moving fast, but It doesn’t take long untill the whole camp is in total darkness. This is scary stuff. Now you know why i don’t like sand.

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The other day, Willy bought you a selection of music from the Sensation White festival and i am told it was all very good. As well as all the music that comes from Sensation White, there is also Sensation Black to go with it. This is where things turn a bit harder and darker on your eardrums. I am not a great fan of dance music in general, but when the gabba comes on, it’s time for me to leave the building. Which is something this chap should have done, rather than climb the stage and protest at Rob Gee and Slipknot playing a rough and dirty death-metal set. Apparently the crowd wern’t in to it at all and started booing and sticking the middle finger up at the band. So this chap decided to invade the stage and make a more pysical protest but came off a little worse for wear at the hands of the security, roadies and some of the band. He is now in intesive care after the amount of kicks he got to the head. Now if he wanted to end up with brain damage, he could have just stayed and listened to the music. I am sure it would probably have the same affect after a while.

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You can tell that i am not the biggest football fan in the world. In fact i am not a huge fan of sport in general. But there has been no avoiding the world cup over the last few weeks. All over the UK thousands of patriotic English men have been flying the St. George’s cross out from windows, roof’s of their car’s and wrapped around great fat beer filled bellies. But it’s not only the English chaps who have been getting into the swing of things. The French have even more of a reason to get excited. See they are playing in the final this afternoon against Italy and to show their support, some fans have adapted a song by a bloke called Martin Solveigh to Zidane Il Va Marquer or Zidane Will Score in the queens English. I can’t understand a word of it, but thats because i don’t speak French. But apparently, this song is pretty big on the other side of the tunnel. Maybe it will inspire them to win the cup. Either way, it will all be over with for another 4 years by the end of today.

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